Short film review: THE EL CHUPUGCABRA (2013) Directed by Aaron B. Koontz

This outlandish, bloody and outragious horror comedy short from writer/director Aaron B. Koontz is as ludicrous as its title is unpronounceable (at least to this Anglo tongue). 
A typical family have dropped into a dog rescue center to get a pup for the son (Dashiell Smith). They are warned by the attendant not to approach the cage - well, the actual warning is lifted word-for-word from The Silence of the Lambs, so it must be serious, right? The kid insists he wants this dog; a little pug whose cage is covered with caution signs and chains. Not even a strange Mexican woman, who appears out of nowhere, telling them that the dog is a devil-beast puts him off.
The father (Jeremy King) has to fill in the adoption forms and agree to a condition that they must NEVER feed the dog marshmallows. Bemused, they take the dog away, the boy naming him Chalupa. Before they have even left the car park, the crazy woman is back again, full of ominous warnings.

Things are fine, except the jerk father decides to do something to piss off the mother (Courtney Hans) at their barbeque get-together. Yep, he feeds little Chalupa a marshmallow. And like a little Gremlin, it has dire consequences. Instantly, the dog has turned into a monster and no-one is safe.

As you can imagine, this isn't made in earnest. The comic intent is displayed from the instant the Hannibal Lecter warning is heard. It's the father, however, who gets all the laughs, he's an obnoxious dick whose fast-talking and wise-cracking make you glad when the splatter starts. There are several minutes of outtakes after the credits which appear to show King's wise-ass comments were not all necessarily scripted. Most of them are biting snipes at his wife and son, and are very amusing.
But the comedy is propped up by some very good gore effects. Once the blood starts, it really flows. Or gushes, in buckets. It's a slaughter scene that's sure to please fans, it's gruesome yet still funny.
There's a strange inventiveness to the story, subverting the preconceptions and delivering a fun monster flick. The cinematography by Andrew Baird is great, particularly in the slaughter scene, which is set to the Spanish language version of Toni Basil's classic 'Mickey'. Bloodshed has never been so danceable.

Koontz has previously directed a couple of films via his Paper Street Pictures production company, a 40min film called Aperture (which I have yet to see) and the brilliantly bloody short ma·lev·o·lence, which you can see here. With other films in development, it's certain he's someone to keep an eye on in the future.

Behind the scenes shot provided by the director.

8 out of 10

Review: No One Lives (2012)

The opening credit for WWE Studios initially filled me with dread. After See No Evil (2006), not a particularly terrible film but also nothing special, and their other wrestler-led output I didn't hold much hope for this one. Fortunately, this isn't just a vehicle for their franchise, but is actually an entertaining piece of splatter cinema.

An unnamed driver (Luke Evans) and a beautiful girl check into a hotel in the middle of nowhere, and soon catch the attention of a group of thuggish criminals, whose simple house raid earlier didn't go too well (the owners arrived home early and were blasted away). Meanwhile, the TV is full of reports of a missing girl.
It would actually be unfair to reveal too much about what follows to preserve some surprises, but I have noticed many reviews have not bothered with this caution, and, indeed, the DVD artwork features Evans wielding a crossbow, so I imagine it's safe to say the gang have bitten off more than they can chew when it comes to messing with the mysterious one...

No One Lives is a cut above the usual horror fare we have become accustomed to (or have to put up with) - it's gory kills are inventive, shocking and fun; and the practical effects stand out, especially compared to the CGI splatters also seen here. However, there are still some flaws. The dialogue is very clunky at times; characters resorting to shouting inane things at each other, and a Reservoir Dogs reference is less a nod, more like theft, but there's enough twists and turns to keep the interest, and some shocking surprises along the way too.

Only one wrestler makes an appearance, George Murdoch (whose ring name is Brodus Clay apparently - I don't follow the "sport") and he is soon dispatched, but is used to great effect - you'll see what I mean.
It's not going to top any "best of" lists, but it's by no means a bad film. Taken with a large amount of salt, it's a fun ride which at least on first viewing should provide at least one or two surprises among its crimson vision.

Director Ryuhei Kitamura also brought Clive Barker's blood soaked The Midnight Meat Train (2008) to the screen; with a mute Vinnie Jones in the lead, and that was flawed but fun too. Hopefully the Japanese director will keep improving, and provide a film to top his earlier work, Versus (2000). Until then, No One Lives will suffice.
7 out of 10

Chillerama (2011)

It's the last night of the old Kaufman drive in, and as a final bow, they are putting on a bill of rare and unseen horror films. Well, that's the best way of linking the trio of mini movies you get here. The linking story (directed by Joe Lynch) begins with Floyd (Miles Dougal) digging up his ex-wife for a bit of necro fun, only for her to wake from her eternal slumber and give him a nasty bite on the scotum "You bitch! You bit off my bean bag!!" Left ball-less and oozing a neon goo, Floyd heads to his job at the drive in. Trouble is, everywhere he goes, and everything he touches gets infected with the goo. But, enough of that for now, as Cecil B. Kaufman (Richard Riehle) is ready to roll our first feature...

"Wadzilla" Directed by Adam (Detroit Rock City) Rifkin, this 50s atomic monster spoof stars Ray (Twin Peaks) Wise as Doctor Weems who has a revolutionary cure for a low sperm count. His test subject, Miles (Rifkin) takes the drug, but the out come is not what they had hoped for. Instead of an increased sperm count, Miles now produces one enormous sperm, which is out of control and on the loose. This section sets the tone perfectly, a lot of fun with lots of gross out jokes and retro style bad SFX. Part Godzilla, part Fiend Without A Face and part American Pie. Plus Eric Roberts as General Bukkake, you know you're gonna love it!

 

"I Was A Teenage Werebear", by Tim Sullivan follows, and is a throw back to the 60s beach movies. It's even a musical, dammit! Ricky (Sean Paul Lockhart, infamous for being under age when he appeared in gay porn films!) is a clean cut, college kid who is distracted by the leather clad bad boys, led by Talon (Anton Troy). Turns out Talon and his gang are Werebears, homosexual predators who are out to pay back those who haven't accepted them. The wonderful Lin Shaye pops up for a second time (she plays a hobo lady in Wadzilla) as the gypsy Nurse Maleva, who gives Ricky advice and recites an old saying that might be a little familiar.. well sort of..
"Even a boy who thinks he's straight, yet shaves his balls by night, may become a werebear when the hormones age, and the latent urge takes flight"

The thing with this section is it doesn't resort to making fun of the gays and playing it camp, despite them being the 'monsters', it actually handles the whole 'coming to terms with your sexuality' bit well. It did remind me, however that I must watch "Curse Of The Queerwolf" sometime soon...

Next up, after another linking thread with the neon goo spreading like wild fire and seeming turning everyone into mindless zombies.. "The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein". Adam (Hatchet) Green's contribution is a black and white, German language historical piece. Well, almost. The language and the subtitles become more and more madcap as the film goes on, but for the best, and it's a complete riot. Anne has found a book that belong to her Grandfather, who just so happened to be the mad scientist Frankenstein! "That is why we had to shorten our name.."

Hitler (Joel David Moore) finds the family, and the book and sets about creating a creature that will help him in his conquest. The monster (Kane Hodder) has a very Hasidic look, however, and refuses to kill for the Fuhrer. Taking a leaf from the Mel Brooks school of offensive film making, Green manages to make an hilarious section, even if we've seen most of the gags done before. (stunt men change colour, subtitles don't match the dialogue, the monster even passes around the side of the sets like they used to do in It's Garry Shadling's Show). Very entertaining though.
Just as we are about to be 'treated' to our next feature, Deathecation, directed and introduced by the mythical Fernando Phagabeefy (which may be for the best, since this movie is said to make the audience simultaneously open their bowels), the theatre is over run with zombies, all frantically copulating with what ever they can find. Can our heroes escape?

Chillerama is a film I've been looking forward to for a while, being a fan of Creepshow and the Amicus films,  and fortunately it didn't disappoint. Much more of a comedy than horror (we don't really care if our heroes escape) and full of OTT splatter effects, it's kind of like The Kentucky Fried Creepshow, if you like. Packed full of in-jokes ("what would Simon Pegg do?") and quick, throw away gags that will make you want to watch it all over again. So a success, then? Well, partly. I can imagine you could re-watch it in a boozy group many times, but if you're a lone viewer, you may fast forward to your favourite bits after you've seen it once. That said, it is very funny and is full of the kind of loving pastiches that horror geeks will love.
At least it wasn't a complete let down like The Theatre Bizarre was. Boy, was that a sorry mess!

Hopefully Chillerama will be unleashed  in the UK soon, until then, import the DVD/Blu ray - If you don't mind getting dirty and sticky - you won't regret it!
8 out of 10