DVD review: Grave Tales (2011) - low budget indie with classic horror cast

If you are of a certain age, you will recall a fabulous magazine published by Dez Skinn in the '70s called  House of Hammer, (and in it's later days, Hammer's House of Horror and finally, Hammer's Halls of Horror). This magazine is where many of us got our first taste of proper horror films through their comic strip adaptations of Hammer classics. There was also a strip at the back of the magazine which was more akin to the Tales From The Crypt American comics. Now, the point of this impromptu nostalgia trip is the makers of indie anthology film Grave Tales obviously grew up with the same magazine collections.

The film itself opens with a young girl, Isabelle (Heather Darcy) researching graves in an impressively imposing cemetery (which looks like it may be Abney Park, Stoke Newington). She asks an elder gentleman (the fabulous and always watchable Brian Murphy, George & Mildred, The Devils, Panic at the Casino) if he can help, as he says he's been around the cemetery for years. Instead, he offers some interesting and macabre tales of the residents of the other graves.

The first tale, "One Man's Meat" tells of rotund drunken butcher Mr Elliot (Frank Scantori), who inadvertently kills a young woman. She makes the mistake of asking for change or food, and when he tries it on with her he accidentally suffocates her (with his hand, not his weight). Well, waste not, want not and his shop has some rather fresh meat on sale the next day. His customers suffer some rather strange reaction to his prime cuts, however.

Next up, is "Callistro's Mirror" in which grumpy Mr. Baxter (Damien Thomas, best known as Count Karnstein in Hammer's Twins of Evil) spots the titular mirror in an old junk shop, and immediately knowing it's value attempts to purchase it. However, the shop owner (another Hammer star, Edward de Souza) insists it's not for sale, and a scuffle ensues resulting in his death. The mirror has a strange quality, allowing Baxter to see an alternate world of hedonistic delights.

Edward de Souza and Damien Thomas

"The Hand" tells the tale of a pair of convicts on the run, chained at the wrist. One is injured and slowing the other (played by UK porn star Mark Sloan, Doctor Screw himself!) down, so he has only one option, to cut his cell mate loose, leaving his severed hand attached to the cuffs.

The final story, "Dead Kittens" takes place in the cut-throat world of the music industry where an all girl rock group's new member may be thrown in at the deep end when they film their latest, Satanic based video. This section is of special interest, for the appearance of real (and very obscure) band The Scary Bitches (you won't believe the song you hear them play) and, type-cast as the director, Norman J. Warren (British horror royalty, as he is the director of Satan's Slaves, Prey and Inseminoid).

Norman J Warren - take a bow!

The whole thing is topped off with a suitably predictable Amicus-style ending.

Now, even from the sketchy synopsis above, fans of the aforementioned House of Horror strips will recognise that the first three tales are all ripped off, sorry, heavily influenced by strips seen in the magazine. Right down to the pay offs. This is a shame as the majority of the film was written by John Hamilton, who has penned some rather fine books on the genre (including the recent X-Cert), and there's no credit given to the original source.

Damien Thomas and Don Fearney

The film is well made for the most part, first time director Don Fearney (who pops up as a tramp in the second story) does a good job of keeping the film flowing, and the editing by the more experienced Jim Groom (director of The Revenge of Billy The Kid and Room 36) is top notch, complimented by some very good special effects, far better than you'd expect from a low budget flick like this). Where the film falls down is in the sound. Some of the foley sounds like it was recorded in a shoe box. The Hand suffers from poor acting, much more than the rest of the film, and features the least likely police officer ever. His costume looks like it's ten sizes too big, and he should still be in school.

Don't worry son, you'll grow into it..

With all it's drawbacks, it's actually a fairly enjoyable film, not least for being able to see those old comics come to life, so to speak (I just hope there's not any law suits on the horizon). At only 75mins, and packing in four stories, it doesn't over stay it's welcome and it's worth checking out, but keep your expectations low. If nothing else, Brian Murphy is in it. And he's worth watching anytime.
Find out more at the film's website.
5 out of 10
The DVD can be purchased (exclusively as far as I can tell) from the wonderful people at Hemlock books.

Chillerama (2011)

It's the last night of the old Kaufman drive in, and as a final bow, they are putting on a bill of rare and unseen horror films. Well, that's the best way of linking the trio of mini movies you get here. The linking story (directed by Joe Lynch) begins with Floyd (Miles Dougal) digging up his ex-wife for a bit of necro fun, only for her to wake from her eternal slumber and give him a nasty bite on the scotum "You bitch! You bit off my bean bag!!" Left ball-less and oozing a neon goo, Floyd heads to his job at the drive in. Trouble is, everywhere he goes, and everything he touches gets infected with the goo. But, enough of that for now, as Cecil B. Kaufman (Richard Riehle) is ready to roll our first feature...

"Wadzilla" Directed by Adam (Detroit Rock City) Rifkin, this 50s atomic monster spoof stars Ray (Twin Peaks) Wise as Doctor Weems who has a revolutionary cure for a low sperm count. His test subject, Miles (Rifkin) takes the drug, but the out come is not what they had hoped for. Instead of an increased sperm count, Miles now produces one enormous sperm, which is out of control and on the loose. This section sets the tone perfectly, a lot of fun with lots of gross out jokes and retro style bad SFX. Part Godzilla, part Fiend Without A Face and part American Pie. Plus Eric Roberts as General Bukkake, you know you're gonna love it!

 

"I Was A Teenage Werebear", by Tim Sullivan follows, and is a throw back to the 60s beach movies. It's even a musical, dammit! Ricky (Sean Paul Lockhart, infamous for being under age when he appeared in gay porn films!) is a clean cut, college kid who is distracted by the leather clad bad boys, led by Talon (Anton Troy). Turns out Talon and his gang are Werebears, homosexual predators who are out to pay back those who haven't accepted them. The wonderful Lin Shaye pops up for a second time (she plays a hobo lady in Wadzilla) as the gypsy Nurse Maleva, who gives Ricky advice and recites an old saying that might be a little familiar.. well sort of..
"Even a boy who thinks he's straight, yet shaves his balls by night, may become a werebear when the hormones age, and the latent urge takes flight"

The thing with this section is it doesn't resort to making fun of the gays and playing it camp, despite them being the 'monsters', it actually handles the whole 'coming to terms with your sexuality' bit well. It did remind me, however that I must watch "Curse Of The Queerwolf" sometime soon...

Next up, after another linking thread with the neon goo spreading like wild fire and seeming turning everyone into mindless zombies.. "The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein". Adam (Hatchet) Green's contribution is a black and white, German language historical piece. Well, almost. The language and the subtitles become more and more madcap as the film goes on, but for the best, and it's a complete riot. Anne has found a book that belong to her Grandfather, who just so happened to be the mad scientist Frankenstein! "That is why we had to shorten our name.."

Hitler (Joel David Moore) finds the family, and the book and sets about creating a creature that will help him in his conquest. The monster (Kane Hodder) has a very Hasidic look, however, and refuses to kill for the Fuhrer. Taking a leaf from the Mel Brooks school of offensive film making, Green manages to make an hilarious section, even if we've seen most of the gags done before. (stunt men change colour, subtitles don't match the dialogue, the monster even passes around the side of the sets like they used to do in It's Garry Shadling's Show). Very entertaining though.
Just as we are about to be 'treated' to our next feature, Deathecation, directed and introduced by the mythical Fernando Phagabeefy (which may be for the best, since this movie is said to make the audience simultaneously open their bowels), the theatre is over run with zombies, all frantically copulating with what ever they can find. Can our heroes escape?

Chillerama is a film I've been looking forward to for a while, being a fan of Creepshow and the Amicus films,  and fortunately it didn't disappoint. Much more of a comedy than horror (we don't really care if our heroes escape) and full of OTT splatter effects, it's kind of like The Kentucky Fried Creepshow, if you like. Packed full of in-jokes ("what would Simon Pegg do?") and quick, throw away gags that will make you want to watch it all over again. So a success, then? Well, partly. I can imagine you could re-watch it in a boozy group many times, but if you're a lone viewer, you may fast forward to your favourite bits after you've seen it once. That said, it is very funny and is full of the kind of loving pastiches that horror geeks will love.
At least it wasn't a complete let down like The Theatre Bizarre was. Boy, was that a sorry mess!

Hopefully Chillerama will be unleashed  in the UK soon, until then, import the DVD/Blu ray - If you don't mind getting dirty and sticky - you won't regret it!
8 out of 10