Retro review: Can I Do It... 'Til I Need Glasses? (1977) sketch sex comedy - with Robin Williams

As promised (or threatened) in my previous review, I sat down and checked out the sequel to If You Don't Stop It... You'll Go Blind, made by the same team, although this one was directed solely by I. Robert Levy.
Like the earlier film, this is a non-stop barrage of increasingly lame gags - mostly of a sexual nature - which invariably fail to raise so much as a smile let alone a titter.

Among the "jokes" on offer here are a variation on the one used in the first film, only with a naked woman, locked out of her apartment, holding a pair of shoes over her embarrassment. The punchline this time coming from a drunk passing in the hallway "At a boy, shorty! Give her everything you've got" Believe me, it's downhill from here.

One of the plus-points of the first film was the appearance of a couple of genre faces (namely Russ Meyer alumni Patrick Wright and Uschi Digard and Vixen's Garth Pillsbury). Well, Wright is back in several sections and Uschi has a blink-and-you'll-miss-her cameo riding an elephant in the opening credits (there are several moments in this title montage which don't appear later on), but the main selling point (certainly when the film got a rushed re-release following the success of Mork and Mindy) is the appearance of Robin Williams. He's in two sketches here, neither any good, but then as I indicated earlier, the whole film is a mirth-free zone. Also apparently here is porn legend Ron Jeremy, but I certainly couldn't spot him.

The best gag (and it's a stretch to find one, believe me) is set in an nudist colony, with a male bringing his female friends a drink each; "help yourself to a donuts".

The final, lengthier section is a rip off of Woody Allen's ejaculation spoof from Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex *But Were Afraid To Ask (1972). Woody did it so much better, naturally.

Not that you'll come across this too easily (although it is out on DVD in the US) but it's one to avoid.
2 out of 10 (purely for the skin on display!)

Blu-ray review: Squirm (1976) Jeff Lieberman's worm classic

A personal favourite from the VHS days (it's only in the last few years I sold on my old Orion tape), Squirm has had the high definition make-over and special edition treatment in the UK from the good folk at Arrow Video.

 

After a heavy storm leaves the tiny Georgia town of Fly Creek without power, phone lines and - thanks to the downed trees and overflowing rivers - no road in or out, a young man, Mick (Don Scardino) visits his girlfriend, Geri (Patricia Pearcey), for the first time and has more than the hostile sheriff (Peter MacLean) to deal with. The electricity being pumped into the ground from the downed lines has made the worms turn. These squishy wigglers are not the harmful sort found in your garden after a downpour, these blighters bite (and scream if you believe the skin-crawling close ups the film provides)

Between them, the pair try to find out what is happening after they discover a neighbour literally stripped down to the bone. Geri also has to deal with the unwanted attention of Roger (R.A. Dow), son of the owner of the next-door worm farm who helps out doing odd jobs. As the night falls, the whole town is soon under siege from millions of slivering worms.

Squirm is surprisingly well made, especially when you consider it was Jeff Lieberman's first film. He would then go on to make two other great cult films, Blue Sunshine and Just Before Dawn. The premise is so simple, yet very effective and considering the budget, the effects (by the soon-to-be legendary Rick Baker), while used sparingly, are incredibly effective. The infamous "worm face" particularly sending shivers down the spine of most viewers, as well as the mountains of worms (some real, some fake) that come spilling out of doorways.

While the film takes its time, it's never boring as the effective sound design and inventive camerawork is always foreshadowing the nastiness to come. It's not a masterpiece, and more creepy than scary, but it sets out to make worms even more repulsive and succeeds in being fun.

The disc comes with the usual array of extras Arrow have become famous for. A brilliant solo commentary from the director provides plenty of insight and Lieberman is very entertaining. Several of the stories he tells are repeated in the filmed Q&A, taken from a 2012 New York screening where he is joined by lead Scardino. A talking head spot with author/critic Kim Newman provides his view of the film and the 'nature-run-amok' sub-genre in general. The package is topped off with another thing Arrow do so damn well, an excellent, informative and lovely looking booklet with new writing on the film, and an interview with Lieberman with the great Calum Waddell. The film transfer is stunning, just as you'd expect, so you can buy with confidence.
8 out of 10

Retro Review: Keep It Up Downstairs (1976)

UPDATED WITH INFO ON THE DVD RELEASE!

Made to cash in on the successful British TV series, Upstairs Downstairs, this 1976 British sex comedy tells the story of the Cockshute family, whose fortune is dwindling so much that they have had to get rid of the family jewels ("the glories of our past are now paste") and are at risk of being evicted until obnoxious Snotty Shutteworth (the fabulous Willie Rushton) comes up with a plan - allow him to move in, and they can all stay. This suits the family fine, despite some reservations that it may upset their rather unusual routine. The servants, headed by butler Hampton (Neil Hallett, Virgin Witch, Groupie Girl, Can You Keep It Up For A Week?) seem to be up to all sorts of shenanigans with the masters.

The youngest of the bunch, Peregrine (Jack Wild, the Artful Dodger from the musical version of Oliver!) is more interested in inventing down in the basement and even spurns the advances of his sex mad step-mum, played by the glorious Sue Longhurst. They come up with a plan to marry him into some rich family, and invite them around. Francis (John Blythe) and his wife Daisy (Diana Dors) who just so happens to be a former showgirl who Hampton recognises. With them all there, and the nuptials all but arranged, they come up with a better plan - steal their jewelry in the middle of night, but things go awry when the midnight liaisons start, but could Peregrine's latest invention, a pliable rubber sheath be the key to a change in their fortunes?

 

Full of familiar faces, and shot on location at the grand Knebworth house, Keep It Up Downstairs is a fun, if not quite hilarious film. Some amusing double entendres and visual gags and some surprisingly good acting. A cut above the usual 70s fare, largely down to the period costumes and the impressive cast.

 

The lovely Françoise Pascal (The Iron Rose, Burke and Hare) appears as Mimi, the French maid and steals the scenes she is in. While she (apparently accidentally) slips a nipple out in one scene, she was adamant not to reveal anymore (despite having done photo spreads in some top shelf publications; she later said she was fed up of titillating men) and one scene involves her having to bend over out of a window, and have her bare behind seen to from the inside (giving Françoise the attention is Simon Brent, who was the lead in her first screen role, Norman J. Warren's Loving Feeling). Mary Millington, who appears as another chambermaid, provides Françoise's rear for this shot, amusingly as it doesn't match with Madame Pascal's Mediterranean complexion. In her fabulous autobiography, As I Am!, she tells how she asked Mary about her choice of career, "Why Not? My body is beautiful and sex is healthy" was the response. Françoise's next major project was the hit UKTV show, Mind Your Language. A show I remember watching at 7/8 year old, and loving. Barry Evans, himself a veteran of my beloved 70s sex comedies starred as the hapless adult eduction language tutor. I've just managed to purchase the complete series (3 seasons) on DVD, and look forward to re-watching soon.

 

Also appearing are Carmen Silvera ('Allo 'Allo), Aimi MacDonald (Vampira), who sadly keeps her clothes on, and some of those "I know their face" actors, Julian Orchard (Carry On Henry) April Olrich (The Skull) and Peter Halliday (Virgin Witch, Madhouse). It benefits from a great script by Hazel Adair, who also wrote (under the name Klaus Vogel) Brit horror Virgin Witch as well as co-producing it and Can You Keep It Up For A Week? Using her real name was a considered brave, as of course, women don't and can't think of any saucy or sexual. The director was none other than Robert Young, who had made the brilliant Vampire Circus for Hammer and went on to make the classic House of Horror TV episode, Charley Boy as well as the rather awful A Fish Called Wanda sequel, Fierce Creatures. He directs the romp well, the late night farce moments especially, making it far easier to watch than some of the genre, although reports from the set were that the actors had no idea what was going on from one day to the next! The film has disappeared from view, however. A late night screening on Channel 5 in the UK or second hand copies of the old VHS being the only chance to catch it, which is a shame as it's certainly better than a lot of the films that were re-issued in the "saucy 70s" DVD boom.
7 out of 10
UPDATE: 
The NETWORK DVD release has now been released, and I'm happy to report that, like their recent releases of The House In Nightmare Park, Spanish Fly and Konga, the results are brilliant. Transferred from the original elements, and presented in both it's theatrical ratio (1:66:1) and as-filmed 4:3, the film looks stunning, especially after having to put up with a dodgy VHS transfer previously. Although There was one scene (the first scene with Willie Rushton) which demonstrated a strange colour fluctuation, nothing too annoying - but noticeable. The film still holds up as a saucy postcard type comedy, helped by it's brilliant cast, especially Sue Longhurst (why she is not billed higher I don't know). A highly recommended release of a film from a time when British cinema had a sense of humour. DVD: 8 outof 10