Review: God Bless America (2011)

If ever there was a film that put forward almost all my current feelings about the state of the world at the moment, it is this one. Surprisingly, it comes from the brain of annoying voiced reject from the Police Academy sequels, Bobcat Goldthwait. You may also remember him in the much more watchable Scrooged (1988), arguably one of the best versions of the Dickens classic.

God Bless America tells the story of Frank (Joel Murray, Hatchet), a regular Joe who is becoming increasingly pissed off with constant diet of reality TV, cruel 'talent' shows and the general way people are in the 21st Century. When he's diagnosed with a brain tumour, dismissed from his job for doing what he sees as a good turn, and distraught that his estranged daughter has become a spoilt brat, he decides enough is enough and rather than take the bullet himself, he begins gunning down all that he thinks is wrong with America. Along for the ride, and under false pretenses, is equally rebellious and opinionated teen Roxy (Tara Lynne Barr). Together they head across country with their shared hatred with what the world has become.

As biting a satire as you're ever likely to see, the first half of the film is spot on with its observations, and manages to create situations which, if seen on TV for real, you would have no problem with believing, and despising. Once the duo head out on their killing spree, it becomes a slightly different beast, almost coming apart at the seams before bowing out in a blaze of glory.
All the targets are worthy, the inane American Idol shows, with their willingness to mock those who desperately seek fame but don't have the talent to earn it. The glossy reality shows which follow  kids and their vacuous parents. Inane commercials peddling the latest 'humourous' ringtone.
The opening sequence, with Frank laying, Jesus Christ pose, fantasing about killing his inconsiderate, noisy neighbours, blasting their constantly screaming baby with a pump action shotgun, sets the films intentions from the outset.

While it's hard to justify the harsh actions of a man pushed to the limit, à la Falling Down, the verbal tirades make for hilarious, if often sobering viewing. Amusingly, Roxy has a rant at Diablo Cody ("the only stripper who suffers from too much self esteem") and her sassy teen creation Juno while being almost the same construct.
Without the killing spree, the film could have been a Network for the new Century, but as it is, as much as it is entertaining, it's hard to justify murder. The film is at its strongest when it's just the two leads discussing the ills of the world like adults.
Another major plus point for the film is the simply stunning soundtrack. Filled with great songs by fabulous artists, from Black Rebel Motorcycle Club's Beat The Devil's Tattoo, no less than three songs by Alice Cooper (who gets a fantastic tribute also) to the brilliant cover of The Kinks' I'm Not Like Everybody Else (the original punk anthem) by The Chocolate Watchband.

If you've sat down on a Saturday night and looked at your Facebook or Twitter feeds and seen nothing but imbecile comments on whatever crap is on TV and felt sick to the pit of your stomach, then this film is for you. If you watch those shows, don't bother because all you'll get out of this is "wow - those killings were cool"; which I doubt is the reaction Goldthwait wanted.
9 out of 10

The Woman In Black (2012)

So one of the most eagerly awaited horror films of the year is upon us. The Woman In Black, Hammer Film's version of the Susan Hill novel (also a very successful and superb stage play and infamous TV adaptation). Directed by James Watkins (Eden Lake) from a Jane (Kick Ass) Goldman screenplay. I have posted before about my concerns as to what changes will be made with the story, and after thinking about it, a straight filmed version of the book or play would have probably left audiences very cold. As it is, the embellishments Goldman has made to the story are mostly for the better. Considering this version has the backing of Hill (after she apparently hated the Nigel Kneale scripted TV version for changing little things like the dog's sex and the main characters name from Kipps to Kidd) either shows her marketing savvy or she has mellowed a great deal since 1989).
The big stumbling block for many will be the casting of Daniel Radcliffe as the main role or Arthur Kipps, a widower with a small child. I have to admit it is a little stretch to accept this. He still looks very young himself, and although I've never really been a Harry Potter fan, it is how we all see him. (I do regret not going to see him in Equus as I love that play - and the film - and would have been interesting to see him try to tackle something so challenging). I will concede that he won me over. There wasn't really any point during the film where he "pulled me out of the action" as it were. In fact, there is a whole stretch in the house where there is no dialogue, and only Radcliffe. Fair play to him, the boy did good.
The predicted "jumps" and spooky bits plastered all over the trailers still work in the context of the film, and some actually better. Trailer spoilers are a big bug bear for me with films like this, as these moments work not because they are just sudden noises (the good old "Lewton bus") but because they are built up to, you know they are coming, and it's the tension of waiting for them that makes them all the more enjoyable. Surely I'm not the only one who sits there thinking "make sure you don't jump" because I don't want the stranger next to me to think I'm soft! This film delivers these jumps successfully on more then one occasion. So, bravo to all involved.
The set design and locations are superb. It was wonderful to see versions of the famous "Angel of Sorrow" angels at either side of  the mausoleum of Samuel Daily's young son. (My cemetery geek-ness never takes time off). Sound design is spot on, nothing too showy and brash, and the visual effects are not over the top either. A good old fashioned ghost story. It should carry a warning for those who have Victorian doll phobias though!

an example of the "Angel of Sorrow" so you know what to look out for!

I won't go on anymore, as I'm planning on including some thoughts into my March piece for Starburst Magazine (which, by the way will be back in the shops while stocks last - subscribe to guarantee you don't miss an issue) and don't want to include spoilers or anything here.
Final thoughts - this could have been a disaster, and I'm sure there are many who hoped it would be, but it is actually a well made, genuinely scary film. I wasn't over keen on the end, but anyone who knows the material will know that that will always be a contentious issue. At least it didn't go for a Hollywood "everything is right with the world" spin..  Make sure you catch it if you get the chance... 8 out of 10.

Retro review: The Picture Of Dorian Gray (1945)

Hollywood's first attempt at Oscar Wilde's classic story of a man who wishes to never grow old, and leads such a depraved life of debauchery and callousness, while his portrait takes the strain of his excesses.
Basil Hallward (Lowell Gilmore) is a talented painter, just putting the finishing touches to his latest masterpiece, his sitter is Dorian (Hurd Hatfield). Lord Henry Wotton (George Sanders) is Basil's friend and takes a shine to the young Dorian and begins to fill his head with hedonistic ideas and fears of growing old. "this painting will always be beautiful, but you however, will grow old" he warns him. Dorian doesn't like this at all, and wishes that he would never age. Little would he know that his wish would come true.

Dorian frequents the lowest taverns,  music halls and opium dens, and forms an attraction to a singer, Sybil Vane (a very young Angela Lansbury). He instists he will marry her, but the idea is frowned upon by all his friends, especially Henry, who suggests fills his head with an idea of testing her. When she 'fails' the test, Dorian breaks the engagement off. When Sybil is found dead several days later, Henry tells his friend while playing with an old Victorian 3D viewer " we must have perspective" he tells him. Dorian is affected for all of a few minutes. When he comes to look at his painting, he notices the mouth is suddenly changed, apparently looking more cruel.

As his indiscretions and cruel intentions continue, so does the painting decay and become more corrupt. When Basil confronts Dorian, he shows him his work, now locked out of everyone's way in his old school room in the attic, and he is horrified to see it, totally deformed.

Considering it's age, the film doesn't shy away from using Wilde's cracking dialogue, and Sander's Sir Henry is perfectly rendered, and utterly convincing in his portrayal. Hatfield is cold and enigmatic, so therefore quite suitable for the Dorian character. It's interesting to note, that Hatfield would later be reunited with Angela Lansbury in a few episodes of Murder She Wrote.
The film is beautifully filmed with lots of shadows and sinister camera angles and some ingenious colour inserts when we get close ups of the painting. At first, when it's freshly done, to see it's splendour and later, its corrupt and ugly side.
It's interesting to watch especially since the recent remake is still fresh in mind. Although I may have been one of the only ones who actually thought the  2009 Dorian Gray was very good! But you really can't beat this 1945 version, it's a cracker!
10 out of 10

Retro review: Blood of Dracula (1957)

Blood of Dracula is one of those AIP drive in films that was made to cater for the growing teen viewers who were going to 'make out' (something I don't think we ever did here in the UK) rather than watch the film.
That said, it's not too bad, but as is the case in most of the 50s films, very blood-less.

Nancy and her folks enjoying a communal smoking session before school

Nancy (Sandra Harrison) is being taken by her father and his new wife to boarding school, to teach her a lesson for missing her recently diseased mother, no doubt. When she gets there, she is instantly bullied by the clique calling themselves "The Birds of Paradise", a secret society that everyone knows about apparently. There is a science teacher Miss Branding (Louise Lewis) who is more interested in her thesis about having a power inside that could destroy the world than teaching the class. Allowing her student assistant to 'accidentally' dab sulphuric acid on Nancy's hand to get a chance to be alone with her, and use her as a guinea pig.

Using an amulet she has picked up from the good old Carpathian Mountains, she hypnotising Nancy to be under her control, in a similar way to Gloria Holden in Universal's Dracula's Daughter (1936) but without the heavy lesbian overtone.
The girl's initiation party, a swinging affair where they dance with cushions, is interrupted by three local boys who are obviously up for a good time as they bring some records and one of them does his best party piece, a hip and groovy tune called 'Puppy Love' (no relation to the Osmond classic) which is actually no where near as bad as it sounds. The party is broke up when one of the girls is found dead, attacked by a snarling shadow, and drained of blood.

 A meeting is called with the police and coroners, when one of them mentions he just happened to share a room at college with someone from the Carpathian Mountains, and he described the legend of the vampire, and how the whole area was terrified of 'Draculas'. Yep, plural. 

The girls, terrified obviously, arrange a Halloween scavenger hunt, involving finding hidden clues in the local cemetery. Miss Branding's experiments and research, however continues to pick up steam with more horrifying consequences, especially for Nancy, who has taken to looking like a female Eddie Munster when under the teacher's spell.

Like I say, it's a fun little fun, and doesn't outstay it's welcome, and would be a good companion piece to AIP's other famous teenage angst flick, I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957) - which itself had the working title of Blood of the Werewolf before settling for the much more memorable name.
6 out of 10

Retro review: The Secret of the Loch (1934)

Now here's a little rare curiosity. In the early 30s the opening of a new road past Loch Ness brought lots of passing traffic to this once quiet (and no doubt idyllic) are of Scotland. It's also around this time the famous "surgeon's photo" of Nessie, the beast believed to live in the loch, appeared. So, hot on the heels of this, and the recently released hit King Kong (1933) came this, the very first Loch Ness Monster movie!
The film opens with a terrified Scot running into the local ale house "Boys! Boys! 'Av seen it! It's no a sight for mortal eyes!" All the locals, including a very manic Professor Heggie (Seymour Hicks) believe there's something out in the loch, and all accept it. Until newspapers appear, from that London, with headlines of "mass hallucination" and "something from hell itself" Heggie decides to go to meet with his academic equals and put his case forward that there is prehistoric beastie in the depths of the loch.

The meeting is attended by a motley crew of strange looking eggheads with their loose teeth rattled when Heggie proclaims that he will prove the existence of a living dinosaur. He is rail roaded out of the meeting, but not without drawing the attention of a reporter from the Daily Sun, Jimmy Andrews (Frederick Andrews) who, smelling a story, follows the professor back north, with a request from one of the workers in his news room to "find out what they wear under their kilts!"  When he gets there, he finds he's not alone, all of Fleet Street's 'finest' have set up camp in the local inn, all after the exclusive on the mad professor and his monster. Jimmy decides to go the extra mile, and breaks into the professor's house. You see, the modern hacks (ahem) haven't invented underhand and criminal activity! When he finds himself in the bedroom of Angela (Nancy O' Neal), Heggie's granddaughter, rather than call the police or indeed, shoot him, he manages to sweet talk her into trusting him to get close to the old professor.

He also gets close to Heggie's burly helper, Angus (Gibson Gowland - a familiar face from some of the Universal Monster films), due to his wearing of a McKnockie tartan tie (he borrowed it from a girl in the office!) and over a few drams - "What's this whisky distilled from? Pepper?" Angus agrees also to try and help Jimmy get his story, since he is convinced that the professor is right about the monster.

This really isn't a horror film, or a drama or thriller. It's more comedy, and for it's age a quite good one, there's plenty of sight gags and quips to keep you smiling. Until the final 10 minutes underwater, and with the "monster" - it's no spoiler really to tell you it's just an iguana back projected onto footage of what looks like one of those little divers you put in your fish tank. But, never the less, it's enjoyable and a great example of British film making from the 'good old days' There was a time when you could find films like this on TV schedules all the time. Usually in the mid-week afternoon slot, or Saturday afternoon on BBC2 while Grandstand was on the other side. All we have now is idiots competing to see who can cook the ponciest meal or sell off their tat on a car boot sale. Oh well.... now, where's my troosers....
5 out of 10

Spoiler Alert!!! the monster in all it's glory.....

Secuestrados (aka Kidnapped) (2010)

A few years ago I came across a short Portuguese  film called I'll See You In My Dreams (2003). It was a great little film about a man having to protect his little village from zombies. It's director, Miguel Angel Vivas showed promise. So I approached Kidnapped with the view to enjoying it. What followed was almost 80mins of brutal carnage.

A family are just moving into their new luxury home, in a private complex. Their peace is shattered when three balaclava wearing East Europeans force their way in. The father is taken out to withdraw as much as possible on all the families credit cards, while the mother and daughter are left with the remaining two men. Then we are subjected to some of the most horrendous, unflinching, relentless and graphic cinema I've seen in a while. It's made all the more horrific because the situation is one that anybody could face. Do we know who the next person to knock on the door would be? Would we be prepared for it?

The film is incredibly well made, and I can't fault Vivas on that count. There's a bold move using split screen techniques to show us both sides of the 'action' (I don't recall it being used this much since Wicked, Wicked (1971) - which famously used it all the way through), and long takes which allows for lots of camera movement and little cut-aways, a technique Hitchcock used on Rope (1948).

Home invasion movies are not uncommon, but usually there is some reason given, or back story, or perish the thought, even a happy ending, but not here. By the end of it all I was left with a very sour taste and very disturbed. Probably the effect that was wanted? In this day and age, the down beat ending is nothing new, but to be SO relentless and downbeat is fairly unique. Like I say, it's an incredibly well made movie, but by no stretch of the imagination is it enjoyable.
Approach with extreme caution.
7 out of 10.

Retro review: Norman J Warren's Outer Touch (aka Spaced Out) (1981)

British horror legend Norman J. Warren made this low budget sci-fi sex comedy as a way of cashing in on the trends at the time - Star Wars was big, and the ABC type cinemas were still showing the UK sex films of George Harrison Marks and the like. As a fan of Norman's horror output (Terror, Satan's Slaves and Prey especially) and his other venture into sci-fi Inseminoid (produced by the legendary Richard Gordon) I was keen to check this out, and since it's release on DVD I now get the chance to!
The film starts with a Brad and Janet type couple, Oliver (Barry Stokes) and Prudence (Lynne Ross) in a parked car being spied on by Cliff (Michael Rowlatt), who looks like his day job is a comprehensive school PE teacher by his dress. Sad thing is, though he's not got going to get any jollies since Pru is rather frigid, and keen to hold off any hows your father until they are married. Then, she tells Oliver, "you can have it as often as you want, well Saturday anyway"
On the other side of the park, Willy (Tony Maiden) is sneaking around to find a quite place to "read" his copies of "Bouncers" magazine, and have a quick knuckle shuffle. Willy it must be said looks like Robin Askwith playing Harry Potter.
The peace of the park (well these characters are the only ones there) is disturbed when a UFO lands and they all decide to board to have a look around. The aliens are all female, in fact they have never seen a male before and a curious to examine them. These aliens are quite amiable and even have an hospitality room complete with food, drink and an advice dispensing Wurlitzer (voiced by Bill Mitchell, who had voiced the famous Carlsberg ads - probably the best voice in the world -he was also the narrator in The Beast Must Die).
The aliens decide to head back into space when they feel threatened by a Earth forces - a herd of cows, giving them time to get to know the men further. It's quite apt that the aliens look like Maya's poor cousin, since the spaceship effects were lifted from Space 1999! They are led by the Skipper (Kate Ferguson), a feisty warrior type, the medical examiner, Cosia (Glory Annen - star of cult fav "Felicity") and Partha (Ava Cadell, who went on to be a sex therapist and founder of Lovelogy University, obviously utilising skills displayed here) and all very nice they look too. There's also a sardonic and camp ship's computer, not dissimilar to HAL9000.
There's quite a few good moments in the film, it's not nearly as cringe-worthy as some so called sex comedies, and for fans of the genre, there's some things to watch out for:
While looking through the rooms on the ship, Willy picks up what looks like a Tusken Raider's Gaffi Stick (I've noticed these in other films too, so guessing there were a few left over in the stock cupboard of the UK studios!). Willy is stripped and examined by Cosia, (taking measurements that keep increasing.. ahem) and is scanned with what looks like a toy light sabre, I'm pretty sure its exactly the same one I used to have as a kid. There's also some familiar friends' framed pictures on the walls!
It's interesting to see Barry Stokes doing his thing here, I always get him mixed up with the other Barry, (Evans) but Stokes only really did one other sex comedy, "The Ups and Downs of a Handy Man" (1976), which was another that wasn't too bad! He eventually gets his girl though, and in true British fashion, keeps both glasses and socks on throughout.

There was an American version released with the Wurlitzer voiced by Bob Saget, which from the trailer I've seen makes it a little more acerbic. There was also apparently a little more nudity added, but in all fairness, there's enough on show in the UK version to keep most hard happy. It's also amusing, if not belly busting funny, which is more than most of these types of films are. Only for fans of this genre really,  but an entertaining 80mins none the less. Go get yourself a copy, invite some mates round, get some beers and enjoy. That's what these films are for. (no tissues required) Follow it up with Inseminoid and you have a great double bill!
5 out of 10 but a lot of fun.

Retro review: Captain Clegg (1962)

It's 1176, on a remote desert island a pirate ship leaves a man tied to a stake, his ears slit and his tongue cut out. A sign above his head reads "thus perish all who betray Captain Clegg"

After the credits, we move to 1792, and the area of Dymchurch on the Romney Marshes, over looking the seas to France, where many smugglers bring their bounty of wine and brandy to out-wit the hefty taxation laws. A little like nipping over to Dover on the weekend ferries, then. There is something more to fear in this area though, as many have told of the Marsh Phantoms who strike fear into those unfortunate enough to see them. Dymchurch is also the last resting place of the notorious pirate Captain Clegg, whose grave states he was hanged at Rye.

Old Tom Ketch

Our introduction to the village is a startling one, Old Tom Ketch (Sydney Bromley, a familiar face - he was one of the tramps slaughtered in An American Werewolf In London), a local is out on the moors when he suddenly surrounded by some hideous spectres on skeletal horseback. Terrified, he falls into a lake and drowns.

The following day, while the village preacher, Reverend Dr Blyss (Peter Cushing, perfect as always) is giving his sermon, the men of the Royal Crown are marching into town to check on reports of smuggling, and fiddling the King out of the taxes! (oh how times haven't changed, eh?) Led by Captain Collier (Patrick Allen, owner of one of the most famous voices in the UK) and backed up by a Navy boss (David Lodge, another familiar face from UK comedies) they set about searching the local tavern ran by Mr Rash (Martin Benson) and then the ever busy coffin makers, Jeremiah Mipps (played by the ever reliable Michael Ripper, and in role much bigger than he usually had). The men fail to find any trace of illicit wine or brandy, even when using their prototype sniffer dog, in the shape of the Mulatto* (Milton Reid, a brilliant character actor who would later appear in Bond films and genre wise he was in The Blood On Satan's Claw and Dr Phibes Rises Again), the stocky bald man seen left to die in the pre-credits sequence. It seems he was rescued by Collier and his men as they were on Clegg's trail, and has been used by them since, as a way of finding hidden wine, and a source of amusement later for the horrendous soldiers.

What they failed to find was a maze of connecting corridors and tunnels that covered up that the villagers, were in fact, smuggling and funding the poor of the village with the proceeds. The Rev Bliss being in charge of the whole operation. A minor sub plot involving the ward of Rash, Imogene (Yvonne Romain) and Harry, the local hunk (Oliver Reed) serves its purpose but to go into detail would probably reveal too much of the plot.
The film was released in America as "Night Creatures" (and it is this title that is on the DVD release) because apparently that was the name of the film Hammer had sold to the US distributor (they had planned to make a version of Richard Matherson's I Am Legend - later filmed as The Last Man On Earth, and The Omega Man - but the UK censors promised that it would have been banned) So, they took the Russell Thorndike story of Dr Syn and the Scarecrow of Romney Marsh and made the film. The Syn character was changed to Blyss since Disney were making their own version of the story (which is why it might sound familiar).
The story is fairly predictable, but still a whole load of fun and the acting is first class all round, remember this is long before Oliver Reed had turned into a caricature. Cushing is at his best as the Vicar hiding a secret with a wicked grin, and Ripper excels in his expanded role. The film is a brilliant rip-roaring adventure with a few spooky and atmospheric moments with the phantoms on the marsh and the creepy scarecrow but it's not technically horror. Even bearing that it mind it's a brilliant movie and one well worth checking out!

Martin Benson, the legendary Michael Ripper and Patrick Allen

The DVD looks fantastic and the colours are stunning, far better than you'd expect for its age, and certainly better than than the last time I saw it on TV from what I recall. A mention must be made too for the brilliant score by Don Banks, giving the legendary James Bernard a run for his money.
8 out of 10.

 

(* A Mulatto is a term used to describe the offspring of mixed race coupling in the bad old slave days, not a particularly nice expression, but it is how the character is named in the book and film, so I left it. No offence was meant or intended)