Blu-ray review: The Telephone Book (1971)

Following their release of Massage Parlor Murders!, the good people at Vinegar Syndrome have come up trumps again with their new Blu-ray release of obscure 1971 film The Telephone Book.

Alice (Sarah Kennedy) is exercising in the nude when she receives an obscene phone call, which happens to be the best obscene call ever, prompting her to seek out the man behind the voice. "My name is John Smith. I'm in the book" The caller, (voiced by Norman Rose, whose voice over work has graced everything from cartoons to Woody Allen films; he was the announcer in Radio Days and only appears onscreen wearing a pig mask) is a little harder to find than Alice expects and along the way she meets the strange and the depraved of the New York scene, including a porn actor looking for his comeback (the brilliant Barry Morse, pre-Space 1999), a psychoanalyst (Roger C. Carmel, who also had an extensive TV career including voicing several of the Transformers) who offers dimes, dispensed suggestively from his coin changer, in exchange for stories, and when she is mugged, she is offered the use of a phone by a lesbian who attacks her with vibrators.

Not only that, there's appearances by Jill Clayburgh, Lucy Lee Flippin (Little House on the Prairie) who has one of the best, apparently ad-libbed, lines involving the unique use of a banana and William Hickey (the old Mafia Don in Prizzi's Honor) as a man who wakes with an erection that won't go down. There's also Arthur Haggerty (better known as dog trainer Captain Haggerty, and even better known to genre fans as the fat bald zombie on the boat at the beginning of Fulci's Zombie Flesh Eaters) as a district attorney giving a press conference about the perils of obscene phone calls. 

Surprisingly, the film is not overly erotic, (despite their being plenty of flesh on display) but rather arty, and bursts from black and white to colour for the last ten minutes with the inclusion of some Robert Crumb style animation by Len Glasser. It was this animation that gained the film its X rating when it was released in 1971. The humour of the film is not as broad as the standard sex comedy, but there's plenty to enjoy. 

                       

Once Mr Smith is actually on the scene in his pig mask mid way through it does become a little talky but the frantic editing and bizarre situation keeps the interest. Sarah Kennedy, (not to be confused with the British one who appeared on Game For A Laugh)  is a delight to watch and very likable, and went on to be a regular on Rowan & Martin's Laugh In and appeared with a young Cassandra Peterson (Elvira) in The Working Girls (1974). 

The film struggled to get a distribution deal at first, being turned down by Hugh Heffner and all the major studios until it was picked up by Avco Embassy, who in a display of cold feet, put the film out under a false company name, Rosebud Releasing Corporation (the same name used to later distribute the unrated version of Evil Dead 2!)

Director Nelson Lyon would go on to be a writer for Saturday Night Live, and would end up being blacklisted from the industry for his involvement in the massive drug binge that killed John Belushi. 

The disc contains an interesting, if a little off topic at times, commentary by producer Mervin Bloch, who also worked cutting trailers for some major films like Polanki's The Tenant and the Pacino movie Cruising. 

If Vinegar Syndrome keep unearthing these 'lost' classics, our shelves will soon look like a massive homage to 42nd Street (well, even more than they do already). Keep them coming, is what I say. The Telephone Book is far from mainstream and that alone is a good enough reason to seek it out. The Blu-ray is region free, and it comes with a DVD copy too and looks better than a film this rare ever should. 

 

If you like your sleaze to be a touch arty without being too pretentious , you should not hang up on this one. 

7 out of 10

Retro review: Le sexe qui parle (AKA Pussy Talk, 1975)

Since my review of the 1977 'sex' 'comedy' Chatterbox is currently the most viewed article on my blog, it makes sense (in a page view grabbing way, at least) that I should get round to reviewing the French film which was the films' influence, Le sexe qui parle, better known as in its international title, Pussy Talk, which turns out to be a much more hardcore outing than the rather tame US counterpart.

 

Joëlle (Pénélope Lamour) is the lady who is cursed with a talking doo-dah in this film, but it doesn't make its presence known until she has inexplicably fiddled with a blonde who happens to make a comment to her in the street (who also looks completely disinterested in this - even when Joëlle uses a rolled up banknote to play with her parts), performed fellatio on an unsuspecting office clerk at work, relieved the tedium of a dinner party by having another strum, only in front of all the guests, and been completely let down in bed by her husband, Eric (Jean-Loup Philippe, best known from several Jean Rollin films, the most notable being Lips of Blood - nice link, eh? - billed here as Nils Hortzs, no doubt to keep his film cred).

 

After this disappointing display of horizontal dancing, she heads to the bathroom to flick the bean once more, this time while having a fantasy of a group of men watching her do this while jizzing the most unrealistic spunk on her car windscreen. Her foo foo is just as unimpressed with Eric's prowess too, and it makes it known to him. Eric brings in a psychiatrist (Ellen Earl) who is coerced into getting a seeing to from him by Joëlle's vagina before going public with Joëlle's secret, causing her to go into hiding.

A sleazy reporter, Richard (Vicky Messica) takes it upon himself to get the scoop on the vocal vag, and makes a deal with her Auntie Barbara (Sylvia Bourbon), who is an artist who can't help taking part in a threesome with her models, be they male or female, and makes novel use of her brush and stiletto heel!

 

Pussy Talk is not quite as hardcore as some films of the 70s, but there are still several strong scenes of sex, mostly blow jobs, but some penetration - done via insert (pun intended) shots of body doubles. There is even a couple of pot shots later in the film, which make the aforementioned windscreen splashes seem more ridiculous. Surprisingly the film is fairly well made, with some fun POV angles and the performances, even though dubbed are above your usual XXX fare. I did try to see if they had managed to dub the fanny voice right, and yes, it did seem to go with the lip movements, so no complaint there.

Originally rejected outright by the BBFC in 1976, the film had a UK DVD release under the Erotika banner in 2000, but was cut by 1 minute 37 seconds, I assume to the penetration and ejaculation scenes, but as it was the uncut version I watched, I can't confirm this. There are many close ups of both male and female privates - aroused and diddled, often too - so I imagine even in a cut form this would still be very saucy.
The music was a stand out element, too and at times reminded me of Fulci's The Beyond - although I doubt this was an influence!

It wasn't quite sexy enough, however to cause a dirty rummage of my own, but had some genuine moments of eroticism, and was no where near as boring as what counts as XXX fare nowadays. Give me 70s bush any day.
6 out of 10. 

Retro review: Norman J Warren's Outer Touch (aka Spaced Out) (1981)

British horror legend Norman J. Warren made this low budget sci-fi sex comedy as a way of cashing in on the trends at the time - Star Wars was big, and the ABC type cinemas were still showing the UK sex films of George Harrison Marks and the like. As a fan of Norman's horror output (Terror, Satan's Slaves and Prey especially) and his other venture into sci-fi Inseminoid (produced by the legendary Richard Gordon) I was keen to check this out, and since it's release on DVD I now get the chance to!
The film starts with a Brad and Janet type couple, Oliver (Barry Stokes) and Prudence (Lynne Ross) in a parked car being spied on by Cliff (Michael Rowlatt), who looks like his day job is a comprehensive school PE teacher by his dress. Sad thing is, though he's not got going to get any jollies since Pru is rather frigid, and keen to hold off any hows your father until they are married. Then, she tells Oliver, "you can have it as often as you want, well Saturday anyway"
On the other side of the park, Willy (Tony Maiden) is sneaking around to find a quite place to "read" his copies of "Bouncers" magazine, and have a quick knuckle shuffle. Willy it must be said looks like Robin Askwith playing Harry Potter.
The peace of the park (well these characters are the only ones there) is disturbed when a UFO lands and they all decide to board to have a look around. The aliens are all female, in fact they have never seen a male before and a curious to examine them. These aliens are quite amiable and even have an hospitality room complete with food, drink and an advice dispensing Wurlitzer (voiced by Bill Mitchell, who had voiced the famous Carlsberg ads - probably the best voice in the world -he was also the narrator in The Beast Must Die).
The aliens decide to head back into space when they feel threatened by a Earth forces - a herd of cows, giving them time to get to know the men further. It's quite apt that the aliens look like Maya's poor cousin, since the spaceship effects were lifted from Space 1999! They are led by the Skipper (Kate Ferguson), a feisty warrior type, the medical examiner, Cosia (Glory Annen - star of cult fav "Felicity") and Partha (Ava Cadell, who went on to be a sex therapist and founder of Lovelogy University, obviously utilising skills displayed here) and all very nice they look too. There's also a sardonic and camp ship's computer, not dissimilar to HAL9000.
There's quite a few good moments in the film, it's not nearly as cringe-worthy as some so called sex comedies, and for fans of the genre, there's some things to watch out for:
While looking through the rooms on the ship, Willy picks up what looks like a Tusken Raider's Gaffi Stick (I've noticed these in other films too, so guessing there were a few left over in the stock cupboard of the UK studios!). Willy is stripped and examined by Cosia, (taking measurements that keep increasing.. ahem) and is scanned with what looks like a toy light sabre, I'm pretty sure its exactly the same one I used to have as a kid. There's also some familiar friends' framed pictures on the walls!
It's interesting to see Barry Stokes doing his thing here, I always get him mixed up with the other Barry, (Evans) but Stokes only really did one other sex comedy, "The Ups and Downs of a Handy Man" (1976), which was another that wasn't too bad! He eventually gets his girl though, and in true British fashion, keeps both glasses and socks on throughout.

There was an American version released with the Wurlitzer voiced by Bob Saget, which from the trailer I've seen makes it a little more acerbic. There was also apparently a little more nudity added, but in all fairness, there's enough on show in the UK version to keep most hard happy. It's also amusing, if not belly busting funny, which is more than most of these types of films are. Only for fans of this genre really,  but an entertaining 80mins none the less. Go get yourself a copy, invite some mates round, get some beers and enjoy. That's what these films are for. (no tissues required) Follow it up with Inseminoid and you have a great double bill!
5 out of 10 but a lot of fun.