Blu-ray review: The Man Who Haunted Himself (1970)

Mr Pelham (Roger Moore) is your typical businessman. The bowler hat, suit and brolly type. We know he's dependable because he wears his seat-belt (this wasn't compulsory at this time), which he undoes when something within him makes him snap and begin to drive his reliable car at boy racer speeds. He inevitably crashes, and while on the operating table the doctors almost lose him. Bringing him back to life, they briefly notice two heartbeats on the machine that goes ping (it's solved by a good old fashioned bash though).

As he goes back to work, people begin to act strange around him," nudge nudging" him and telling him that they will keep quiet about seeing him in pool halls and the like. More and more of theses sightings lead him to think something's afoot.
He is investigating a leak of sensitive material, critical to his companies financial future, and all fingers soon point to Pelham himself (a clandestine meeting on a paddle boat on the Serpentine is ludicrously brilliant). This espionage sub-plot plays well with the Pelham's mounting paranoia, and the gradual loss of his faculties.

Moore is brilliant in the dual role, (but in fairness, he is a favourite of mine and yes, he's my Bond) and the rest of the cast, which includes a few recognisable faces, are equally adept. When he bumps (literally) into a beautiful fashion photographer at the swimming pool, he even manages to drop in some shutterbug jargon based innuendo.

It's directed with gusto by Basil Dearden, (who was responsible for both the linking and hearse stories in the Ealing classic Dead of Night (1945) and wrote several George Formby films), from a story by Anthony Armstrong. It had previously been adapted for TV for an Alfred Hitchcock Presents episode, and it is to the credit of Dearden (and no doubt uncredited screenwriter/producer Bryan Forbes) that it doesn't feel padded. It is naturally paced, and not short of shock moments, while never going over the top. The effects with the dual characters is remarkably well done also.

There's a marvelous sequence with Freddie Jones as a hip, shades wearing, psychiatrist is shot brilliantly, creating a immense sense of claustrophobia and disorientation. Keep an eye open for a brief (uncredited) appearance from occasional Carry On girl Jacki Piper too.

Network DVD have once again come up trumps with the release. The glistening new transfer (in high definition too!) includes a commentary from a previous release, with Moore chatting with Forbes (who sadly recently died), moderated by Jonathan Sothcott, 34 minutes of the score, some image galleries and a SD DVD version of the film (which exclusively also includes a full frame version of the film, renamed the "maximum picture area" version).

For a 40 year old British film, seen numerous times on TV (it's currently a staple on the Horror Channel in the UK) it surprisingly looks great, and is incredibly entertaining. It's certainly worth checking out and putting in your collection. Be aware, the release is in the now standard Network slim-case, so will look out of place next to your standard Blu-rays, but it's a small niggle. It's an "A" certificate film, though, so don't be expecting Hammer or Amicus style horror. This is more akin to a big budget version of an episode of Brian Clemen's Thriller or Tales of the Unexpected, which in no way is meant as a negative. As a macabre and ironic footnote, director Dearden died in a car accident not too long after the film's release. (screengrabs are from the DVD version, not the Blu-ray)
8 out of 10

Review: The Shadow Of Death (2012)

Becoming lost in the woods after heading out to 'score some weed', three house mates -  sensible Debra (Corinna Jane), computer geek Jamie (Jane West) and annoying stoner Nancy (Sophia Disgrace) - and their wise cracking, loser friend Dan (Daniel Carter-Hope) unwittingly become prey to a madman doing away with people in increasingly inventive ways. Their only hope may well come from a wanna be cop, the self styled Super Special Officer Cop Craven (Dan Bone) of the Super Secret Police Force. Let's just hope they don't rely on him too much though...

While it may not sound the most original of subjects, Director Gav Chuckie Steel manages to weave an interesting and fun take on the standard tropes, without resorting to copycat or parody.

The over saturated look gives it a grindhouse feel, without having to go as far as some have to force that. (it doesn't go over the top with fake film scratches and there's no missing reels here, folks!)

The Shadow of Death is a no budget film. IMDB says it cost £250. From what you see on screen, I wouldn't have believed it. Both the practical make up FX (there's some effective gory moments) and the inventive use of camera angles and sound are much better than you'd see in films with a much larger budget; you know the ones that would turn up on late night screenings on The Horror Channel, or straight to DVD. The acting is above the standard you'd expect in a film at this level too. While I found a lot of the characters annoying (I really hate people preoccupied with drugs) by the end I had warmed to them, and there are several funny moments.

The film is peppered with film references, from the subtle (Cannibal Holocaust) to the obvious (naming the pub The Slaughtered Lamb, Evil Dead), and while these are fun, they don't take over the film. I did get a feel of The Wicker Man in there too, especially with the use of music.

It is hoped the film will get into a few of the horror festivals held around the country later in the year, and it certainly is well worth checking out. It could easily work as a calling card to the industry for Gav Steel, and I hope he does well in the future. You can find out more about the film at the website
UPDATE: You can now view the film in full, for free at Youtube. Thank you Gav! 

8 out of 10

Review: Prometheus (2012)

It's 2089 and archaeologists Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) discover cave paintings in the Isle of Skye that are 35,000 years old and are similar to other drawings and carvings from across the world and across all history, all showing a large man pointing to the same set of stars.
This is obviously an invitation, at least it is to Shaw, and she hopes of meeting mankind's makers (despite the fact she believes in God), they set off on a space voyage on the good ship Prometheus, funded by ailing trillionaire Peter Weyland, head of Weyland Corporation. Among the crew are scientists, an android David (Micheal Fassbender) and Weyland executive Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron). Despite it being a trip to explore Shaw's theory, Vickers makes it clear that it's her companies money, and she calls the shots.
It's not long until they are exploring the caves of the planet the cave drawings have led them to, and things begin to get a little out of hand.

Long and eagerly awaited by many, this return to the world of Sci-Fi for Ridley Scott has probably been set up for failure by the hopes and dreams of the many Alien fans who, when it was hinted at that Scott would be returning to the Alien-verse and specifically the "Space Jockey" we see in his 1979 masterpiece, had so much they wanted answered and delved into.
It is to Scott's credit that he has taken a different route with the story here. There are similarities, and yes, we do get to understand a little more of the Space Jockey race, but it's clear that this film doesn't necessarily take place in the same uncharted area that the Nostromo is sent to investigate. While the space ship and indeed, the Space Jockeys are all the same it is more likely the wreckage Dallas and his crew explore is a different one, which should be clear from the events at the end of the film. The focus on DNA is a big clue into the way this one goes..

That is not to say there are not some answers, and indeed, a sequel to Prometheus could easily work as the missing link, and lead straight into Alien.
So while Prometheus might not be all we wanted, or expected, it is a well made, entertaining film. It just doesn't have much in the way of tension or threat. Even in the scenes with alien life forms (which are more proto-xenomorths and face huggers rather than the ones we know and love) there is a lack of real drama, which is a shame. It is certainly not a body count film, but if you go along wanting a fairly intelligent piece of Sci-Fi then you should enjoy it, despite some plot holes and clunky dialogue.

Full marks, however go to Micheal Fassbender (who keeps his knob in his pants this time, unlike his brilliant turn in Shame) as David, who watches the sleeping crew's dreams and memorises lines from Lawrence Of Arabia in the spare time he has while the ship travels the galaxy (an inspired choice of clip to show, too - with an appearance from the recently deceased Harry Fowler). David is a character that you are waiting all the way through to betray the crew and "do an Ash" - indeed, at some points it seems he's doing just that, but it could easily be interpreted that he was in fact, naively, just learning and experimenting.
Guy Pearce, so brilliant in Memento (2000) is a little wasted here, under a ton of make up as the aged Peter Weyland, head of the company. The make up job here isn't the best either, more like Grandpa in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) the Dick Smith's tour de force in Little Big Man (1970).

One thing that I was very disappointed in was the 3D. Now, I'm a complete advocate of the format. Yes, it's a gimmick, but used right and well it CAN enhance the film (just watch Hugo for proof). However, Scott seems to make little allowance for it here, despite filming 'native' with 3D cameras. The enormous alien structures and tunnels should look amazing, yet they are quite often just OK, which is a shame. There are many dark scenes in the film, but you shouldn't worry too much about losing anything from them with the usual drop in light levels necessary with the 3D process, though as it all seemed OK to me.

Not a complete waste of time, but I doubt it will top any "best" lists, I just wanted to enjoy it so much more.
7 out of 10.

Review: Strippers Vs Werewolves (2011)

Once in a while a film comes along with a title that really sets its self up for a let down. Being as bold, jaw dropping and eye catching as it is, Strippers Vs Werewolves is one of them. That is not to say it is a failure. There's still some late night drunken fun to be had here.

After a punter (Martin Kemp) at the local lap/pole dancing club Vixens gets a little carried away and turns all feral, resulting in a silver pointed fountain pen lodged in his eye, club owner Jeanette (Sarah Douglas from Superman II), bar manager Harry (East End hard man regular Alan Ford), stripper Justice (Adele Silva) and doorman Franklyn (Nick Nevern) plot to hide the body and pretend nothing has happened. Werewolves are not a new thing, nor a shock for the old hands as their previous establishment was over run by them, causing them to take drastic action and bomb the place "It's just like Basildon 1984" Harry gruffly points out.
It turns out Mickey (Kemp) is missed, however, and his pack of lycan cronies, led by Ferris (Billy Murray, still Don Beech from The Bill to me) set out to find out what has happened to him.
It doesn't help matters that Justice's boyfriend (who thinks she works at a vets) happens to be one of the gang (she thinks he's an estate agent) and when she bites him during a bout of passion, she begins to show signs of changing.

The girls band together - with a little help from Sinclair (Simon Phillips), boyfriend of one of the girls (Barbara Nedeljakova from the first two Hostel films), who happens to be an amateur vampire hunter - to defeat the gangster wolves and to strip another day.
There's not much meat to the script, but there are some fun exchanges and interesting cameos from Robert Englund (playing the incarcerated alpha wolf behind the 1984 infestation), Steven Berkoff, Lysette Anthony and - in a genuinely funny scene - Lucy Pinder as a vampire bride. Former Bill actress Abi Bastian stands out from the main cast, her character - blonde, ditzy, funny but resourceful - interestingly was given a high profile on a number of the film's posters - do blondes sell films better? Surely Adele Silva - a regular in Emmerdale a while back - would have been more recognisable?

The films effects range from excellent to passable, the werewolf prosthetic would have probably benefited from being lit a little darker, but it all adds to the fun, cheesiness of it all. The slick, comic book editing give the film a Lock Stock meets Scott Pilgrim vibe, and the tongue in cheek delivery never spoils the tone of the film. While it may not be scary, nor hilarious, there are fun moments, and some good gore. The sight of the big, lumbering, dim witted werewolf played by boxer Joe Egan having a dirty rummage while watching a girl undress did make me laugh though!  There's some nudity on display, but, sadly for fans of The Bare Facts guide, not from the main cast, and nothing too extreme. Simon Phillips' awkward occult investigator character is a high point, even if you can't help imagining Nick Frost in the role.

The film is one of the swan songs of production company Black and Blue Films, linchpin of which Jonathan Sothcott having formed the new Chata Pictures. I did notice you name checked the upcoming Airbourne in there, well done Mr S! I've enjoyed previous films they had been involved with, Dead Cert and Stalker especially, which seem to have be written off by some areas of the media, which is a shame. UK film making doesn't have to be all period dramas and kitchen sink gloom, you know. Don't be afraid to like films that are just fun!
While you may well feel short changed on what might have been, you can't deny the film delivers exactly what it promises. Strippers. And Werewolves. And they fight.
6 out of 10

Retro review: Vile Pervert - The Musical (2008)

Now, this one seems to have passed under my radar until this week. Vile Pervert is a home made documentary/drama/musical satire by Jonathan King. Maybe it's apt that it should come to my attention at this current time when the UK newspaper industry (red tops especially) is in meltdown and is being as demonised as they have done to so many others in the past. Karma? I'm sure JK would agree.
Whatever your opinion on JK as a person you can't deny that he has had major part in the British music industry, as a performer, writer, producer and much more. When I was growing up, he was a familiar face and name, his TV shows Entertainment USA and No Limits were required viewing, especially for someone like myself who liked to listen to things that would not get radio airplay outside the Friday Rock Show on Radio One.
Before I start with the film, I would like to point out as a disclaimer that I'm a male, in my early 40s, very straight, and if anything have a preference for older women. So at no time did I relate to JK's interests in that way. 
Now, JK had a very public trial and humiliation for allegedly abusing boys who had come to visit him at his home in the early 80s. All these allegations came many years after the events and, as we find out in this frank and very enlightening film, had no proof whatsoever to back them up.

Which brings me to the film. Shot entirely on digital video and interspersed with  musical numbers set to cut and paste videos, it is King's side of the story. An honest account of what he is. Along the way, we meet fictionalised versions of the key characters into his story,  all very thinly veiled that it wouldn't take too much to work out who they are meant to be. Waxie Maxie, a PR agent nicknamed "The Silver Stoat" who will take on anybody's story providing they say they are telling the truth, and there's money to be had. The "victims", some of which had not even met King, but then what did that matter? The police, not too bothered with facts as long as they get a result for the figures. Flame Mitchell, the ex-editor of a red top newspaper who had previously employed King as a columnist for many years, and God, the narrator of the sordid story. I say sordid, but it's not in the way the papers' would have it. The sordidness comes from the way the facts were changed, and the whole scaremongering and hysteria that comes along with anything to do with "perverts" and celebrity misdemeanours. It's worth noting that what King was accused of, and imprisoned for, involves "children" of 15, (some proved to actually older than that when the alleged events happened) and were willing participants. Even the judge, in his summing up, noted that no violence was used, and that incidents stopped when if it was clear that it wasn't wanted. None of which was reported of course. In fact there's so many twists and turns that come out of the documentary that you'd think it was a Hollywood thriller.
And then we have the music. Some of the old hits are included, Everyone's Gone To The Moon and It's Good News Week are both strangely prophetic. It's the new songs that stand out though. Taken out of context, you would think they were terrible and would outrage the public decency. But no, they all make a point. You just have to have the balls enough to think about them. Something I'm sure most people wouldn't bother doing.
There is the the wonderful Wilde About Boys, sung by King dressed as Oscar Wilde with its catchy refrain of "there's nothing wrong with buggering boys" Whaaaat.. f*cking disgusting! String him up I say.. Yep, just the sort of red rag that would have the estates lighting their torches and going en-mass to lynch the nearest paediatrician. In context, what the song is actually saying is there's nothing wrong as long as BOTH sides are compliant. Who would argue with that? It even says "as long as their not too young" and borrows from the famous quote from Wilde's cleaning woman during his trial about "as long as it's not in the street and worrying the horses".

It's worth noting when thinking how disgusting it might be for someone in their 30s to be interested in anyone of 15 or so, (the proper name is ephebophilia) that in many of the countries that YOU, the mob minded hate breed go on holiday every year the age of consent is lower than in the UK. In Spain, for example, it is 13.
The whole thing was very enlightening, and shows the press up just as much as the current scandals. While I have my own personal opinions of certain high profile accusations in the past (the other "King of pop" I have no doubt that something iffy was going on) when presented with the discrepancies that King provides it's hard not to see that something is rotten in the system.
The only warning I'd give is that you might see a bit more of JK than you'd like. There's an image I could have done without! 
In the end King presents his case with humour, and as in his final word, is not interested in making you like him, but just make you think. That it certainly does. And man, can he write a catchy tune.... 8 out of 10.

You can download the whole film - for FREE - from his website All You Tube footage included in this item are owned by Mr King.

Retro review: The Secret of the Loch (1934)

Now here's a little rare curiosity. In the early 30s the opening of a new road past Loch Ness brought lots of passing traffic to this once quiet (and no doubt idyllic) are of Scotland. It's also around this time the famous "surgeon's photo" of Nessie, the beast believed to live in the loch, appeared. So, hot on the heels of this, and the recently released hit King Kong (1933) came this, the very first Loch Ness Monster movie!
The film opens with a terrified Scot running into the local ale house "Boys! Boys! 'Av seen it! It's no a sight for mortal eyes!" All the locals, including a very manic Professor Heggie (Seymour Hicks) believe there's something out in the loch, and all accept it. Until newspapers appear, from that London, with headlines of "mass hallucination" and "something from hell itself" Heggie decides to go to meet with his academic equals and put his case forward that there is prehistoric beastie in the depths of the loch.

The meeting is attended by a motley crew of strange looking eggheads with their loose teeth rattled when Heggie proclaims that he will prove the existence of a living dinosaur. He is rail roaded out of the meeting, but not without drawing the attention of a reporter from the Daily Sun, Jimmy Andrews (Frederick Andrews) who, smelling a story, follows the professor back north, with a request from one of the workers in his news room to "find out what they wear under their kilts!"  When he gets there, he finds he's not alone, all of Fleet Street's 'finest' have set up camp in the local inn, all after the exclusive on the mad professor and his monster. Jimmy decides to go the extra mile, and breaks into the professor's house. You see, the modern hacks (ahem) haven't invented underhand and criminal activity! When he finds himself in the bedroom of Angela (Nancy O' Neal), Heggie's granddaughter, rather than call the police or indeed, shoot him, he manages to sweet talk her into trusting him to get close to the old professor.

He also gets close to Heggie's burly helper, Angus (Gibson Gowland - a familiar face from some of the Universal Monster films), due to his wearing of a McKnockie tartan tie (he borrowed it from a girl in the office!) and over a few drams - "What's this whisky distilled from? Pepper?" Angus agrees also to try and help Jimmy get his story, since he is convinced that the professor is right about the monster.

This really isn't a horror film, or a drama or thriller. It's more comedy, and for it's age a quite good one, there's plenty of sight gags and quips to keep you smiling. Until the final 10 minutes underwater, and with the "monster" - it's no spoiler really to tell you it's just an iguana back projected onto footage of what looks like one of those little divers you put in your fish tank. But, never the less, it's enjoyable and a great example of British film making from the 'good old days' There was a time when you could find films like this on TV schedules all the time. Usually in the mid-week afternoon slot, or Saturday afternoon on BBC2 while Grandstand was on the other side. All we have now is idiots competing to see who can cook the ponciest meal or sell off their tat on a car boot sale. Oh well.... now, where's my troosers....
5 out of 10

Spoiler Alert!!! the monster in all it's glory.....

Retro review: Norman J Warren's Outer Touch (aka Spaced Out) (1981)

British horror legend Norman J. Warren made this low budget sci-fi sex comedy as a way of cashing in on the trends at the time - Star Wars was big, and the ABC type cinemas were still showing the UK sex films of George Harrison Marks and the like. As a fan of Norman's horror output (Terror, Satan's Slaves and Prey especially) and his other venture into sci-fi Inseminoid (produced by the legendary Richard Gordon) I was keen to check this out, and since it's release on DVD I now get the chance to!
The film starts with a Brad and Janet type couple, Oliver (Barry Stokes) and Prudence (Lynne Ross) in a parked car being spied on by Cliff (Michael Rowlatt), who looks like his day job is a comprehensive school PE teacher by his dress. Sad thing is, though he's not got going to get any jollies since Pru is rather frigid, and keen to hold off any hows your father until they are married. Then, she tells Oliver, "you can have it as often as you want, well Saturday anyway"
On the other side of the park, Willy (Tony Maiden) is sneaking around to find a quite place to "read" his copies of "Bouncers" magazine, and have a quick knuckle shuffle. Willy it must be said looks like Robin Askwith playing Harry Potter.
The peace of the park (well these characters are the only ones there) is disturbed when a UFO lands and they all decide to board to have a look around. The aliens are all female, in fact they have never seen a male before and a curious to examine them. These aliens are quite amiable and even have an hospitality room complete with food, drink and an advice dispensing Wurlitzer (voiced by Bill Mitchell, who had voiced the famous Carlsberg ads - probably the best voice in the world -he was also the narrator in The Beast Must Die).
The aliens decide to head back into space when they feel threatened by a Earth forces - a herd of cows, giving them time to get to know the men further. It's quite apt that the aliens look like Maya's poor cousin, since the spaceship effects were lifted from Space 1999! They are led by the Skipper (Kate Ferguson), a feisty warrior type, the medical examiner, Cosia (Glory Annen - star of cult fav "Felicity") and Partha (Ava Cadell, who went on to be a sex therapist and founder of Lovelogy University, obviously utilising skills displayed here) and all very nice they look too. There's also a sardonic and camp ship's computer, not dissimilar to HAL9000.
There's quite a few good moments in the film, it's not nearly as cringe-worthy as some so called sex comedies, and for fans of the genre, there's some things to watch out for:
While looking through the rooms on the ship, Willy picks up what looks like a Tusken Raider's Gaffi Stick (I've noticed these in other films too, so guessing there were a few left over in the stock cupboard of the UK studios!). Willy is stripped and examined by Cosia, (taking measurements that keep increasing.. ahem) and is scanned with what looks like a toy light sabre, I'm pretty sure its exactly the same one I used to have as a kid. There's also some familiar friends' framed pictures on the walls!
It's interesting to see Barry Stokes doing his thing here, I always get him mixed up with the other Barry, (Evans) but Stokes only really did one other sex comedy, "The Ups and Downs of a Handy Man" (1976), which was another that wasn't too bad! He eventually gets his girl though, and in true British fashion, keeps both glasses and socks on throughout.

There was an American version released with the Wurlitzer voiced by Bob Saget, which from the trailer I've seen makes it a little more acerbic. There was also apparently a little more nudity added, but in all fairness, there's enough on show in the UK version to keep most hard happy. It's also amusing, if not belly busting funny, which is more than most of these types of films are. Only for fans of this genre really,  but an entertaining 80mins none the less. Go get yourself a copy, invite some mates round, get some beers and enjoy. That's what these films are for. (no tissues required) Follow it up with Inseminoid and you have a great double bill!
5 out of 10 but a lot of fun.